day seven. part seven.

happy sunday!! our one year anniversary is on monday - so i'm sharing all about our love! read each part up to this point to catch yourself up! [part one], [part two], [part three], [part four], [part five] and [part six]!

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today i wanted to share with you some of our official engagement photos and lots of photos of preparation for our wedding day. be prepared for some fun and craziness!

we loved, loved, loved our engagement photos! it was so fun and so natural to take them.

the preparation for the wedding was full of so many emotions! stress, happiness, fun, nervous, excitement, ups, downs - pretty much every emotion possible!

to release the stress, we went and got manis and pedis :) and then headed out to get ready for rehearsal.

but we ended the night before our wedding with bang - we flash mobbed another wedding! it was so fun!! the bride was not very happy at first.. and then she went along with it.. and then we got kicked out. definitely a memory we look back on often!

we did almost my entire wedding handmade.

i made the [invitations] and the programs. 

my mom, friends and i crafted all of the center pieces together.

my mom and i made all of the 'thank you for coming' gifts.

we decorated all of the cupcakes for our dessert table.

i made every one's seating mugs.

the entire back drop for our ceremony was built and we used lots of live plants and flowers.

we bought all the flowers from the farmer's market [remember how i love shopping local ;)?] and we put them all together for the aisles, up front, bridesmaids bouquets and my bouquet.

it was so much fun to make our wedding hand crafted and special, just for us.

definitely wish i would have had more time if i had to do it all over - but i would definitely do it all myself just like we did!

and... i didn't even have pinterest at that time!

if you have any questions about our wedding, how much it cost to do it all, or are interested in doing a self crafted wedding and wondering more details - email me and i would LOVE to help you out! 

day six. part six.

ahh! we're almost there! this is the exact day [saturday] i walked down the aisle and married my handsome hunk! it's gone by so fast! :) here is [part one], [part two], [part three], and [part four] and [part five] of our love story

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during this season of dating, mr. b and i were living in different cities. not too far from each other, but far enough that we didn't see each other often. one weekend i was in town visiting him and was staying at his parents house. mr. b told me he had a 'day date' planned for us and i needed to be awake and ready at 9:30am.

on the morning of march 19, 2011 i woke up and got ready. while i was getting mr. b opened up the front door to his parents house and surprised me with a rose, a kiss and a cup of coffee from one of my favorite coffee shops.

the thought did cross my mind if he would propose but i didn't want to get my hopes up so i pushed it aside.

before i knew it we were off and on our way.

throughout our drive there were small surprises that he gave me.

at first i had no idea where we were driving to.

then the thought of chicago crossed my mind.. until we took an exit wayyy before chicago.

we ended up at a train station. this was on purpose to throw me off.. and it did!

we boarded the train and were off... to chicago!

we spent the day there and enjoyed each others company and he still continued to give me little gifts.

we hopped on the train back home that evening.

i was crushed. we went all the way to chicago and there was NO proposal! i couldn't believe it!

i thought to myself, and yes... even verbalized to him how perfect that would have been to propose because it was like our analogy for our relationship!

we got back to his parents house and shared about our day and started to sit down to watch a movie.

mr. b then called me over by him and asked me to come back outside to get something.

once we were out by his truck, he turned around and started to tell me how much he loves me. he shared with me how he knew the Lord was calling us to be together, to serve together, and to glorify God together. he told me i was the only woman in the world for him and that he would be so blessed and honored if i would make him the happiest man in the world and marry him.

i was shocked. totally shocked. so shocked that i didn't even cry. mr. b was shocked that i wasn't crying.. haha

i, of course, said yes! and couldn't wipe the smile off my face!

this was around 9:30pm - 12 hours after our day had started!

we walked back inside and shared with our friends and family.

 the moon was one of those moons that only comes around once every so many years.. i don't think it will happen again until 2030 or something? so my dad said we needed to get a photo with it! haha it's so small up there!

these photos were taken the night mr. b proposed. he was already changed out of his clothes and was relaxing when i realized we had no photos!

there are so many details to our proposal

- funny moments of how mr. b's dad walked out while right in the middle of mr. b's proposal

- or how my camera didn't work for the entire trip!

- all the small gifts and surprises

- details of how i yelled at mr. b the entire train ride home for not proposing in chicago

and so much more! to read our entire proposal go [here] where i posted it back when he proposed :)

and now we start wedding festivities!...

day five. part five.

we're almost there! oh it's been so fun sharing our love story here where all you friends can read as well as keeping it in a place where the memories stay for us to look back on one day! if you're interested in reading what happened before the break up... you can read [part one], [part two], [part three], and [part four] and then join in below for part five!

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yes... it's true...

we broke up.

we broke up on october 3

[crazy.. exactly one year after the crazy stuff happened with johnny and when mr. b woke up in the middle of the night praying for me]

a couple days leading up to our break up mr. b and myself were indecisive about being together. we knew neither of us wanted to date just to date. we decided to take time apart, pray and seek what the Lord wanted for us so we didn't keep going back and forth about questioning our relationship.

during this time it was hard. we were still leading a community group together in the dorms, separate, but we still saw each other. i so badly wanted to still talk to him.. but i resisted. he wanted to talk to me too, but refrained.

this lasted a couple weeks.. and then one day... i learned how to curl my hair.

 true story..

i curled my hair and got all 'dolled up' [this may or may not have been to make him jealous... whoops] before our community group.

he noticed me and commented that i looked beautiful. that was hard.. here i was doing it on purpose, but then to have him acknowledge but know there was nothing more between us was hard.

we started to communicate a little more and then a couple more weeks later we sat down to talk.

neither one of us could stop thinking about the other one. neither one of us liked being apart. we knew we wanted to be together. we knew we wanted things to end in marriage.

so on november 10, 2009 [11.10.09]

mr. b confessed two things.

one.. he confessed his love for me. this was the first time he had ever told me he loved me. i replied and told him i loved him too. [as the story of our relationship goes.. i knew i loved him long before, but hesitated on when to tell him as i was his first girlfriend and didn't want to scare him off]

two.. he confessed that he needed me back in his life and asked me to be his girlfriend again. i also said yes again :)

we continued to date from that moment on and put our break up in the past but do reflect on it as a necessary season for the Lord to speak to each of us individually and show us that he was calling us to be together. this was also a season of recognizing spiritual warfare in our relationship and how the enemy was trying to permanently break us apart.

[if you are interested in talking more about spiritual warfare.. email me and i would love to talk - it's something that we've experienced several times during our relationship, engagement and even marriage]

by this point we have held hands, kissed, and said i love you.. we were definitely picking up speed on our travels to chicago!

we set our cruise and continued to drive for almost another year and a half.

then mr. b planned a real surprise trip to chicago...

day four. part four.

hi friends! so as you can tell - i'm in the middle of a series that will last 1 week. here is [part one] and [part two] and [part three] 

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december 16, 2008, it was snowing and accumulating fast. mr. b asked me to go for a ride with him [we loved doing donuts in parking lots in the winter - so fun!]. while we were out, mr. b asked me some questions about relationships and what i thought about dating. i was honest and shared with him. then these are the words that came out of his mouth.

'i'm sorry if i've been leading you on. i wasn't trying to do it on purpose.'

ouch. talk about friend. box.

i was so crushed [again!]

but thankfully it doesn't stop there.

he shared that he was starting to have feelings for me and didn't know where i stood, but was willing to wait for me so he could start pursing me towards a relationship!

from there - we both decided to pray about when we should take the next step [although i was thinking.. how about we start..like.. 2 years ago!!!]

this photo is a picture of us the day after he told me he liked me :) we went skiing/snowboarding. it was so much fun!

a couple weeks later, he asked to take me out on our first date. he took me to logan's roadhouse. we spent the evening talking each others ears off and laughing. we even had one of mr. b's best friends and his now wife stop by and check in to see how things were going - they were all smiles because we were finally going out on a date. we were all smiles too :)

i knew i was already falling really hard for this amazing man.

on january 31st, 2009 mr. b asked me to be his girlfriend. how he asked was so cute!

we were hanging out at my apartment and my roommates left to go somewhere. we were in my living room both sitting on the floor and mr. b said 'jenn... i have a question to ask you.' i wasn't sure what he was going to ask.. but i had an idea and i started to get super nervous and so many thoughts went running through my head. 'is he going to ask me to be his girlfriend?' 'do i say yes?' '...i really really like him, am i ready for another relationship?' 'what about my season of singleness?'

and then he asked... 'jennifer, will yo----b---g---lfriend.' it was so fast that is about how it came out. i don't even think he used complete words. he was so nervous - it was so so cute!

my response... 'yes.. but what did you say?' hahaha and then he asked me again 'jennifer, will you be my girlfriend?' and from there it was official! we were officially the 31st couple!! [which was also fun because there wasn't 31 days in each month to 'celebrate' - but we loved it!]

throughout our first eight months of dating, we had lots of fun. we were still getting used to dating and what that was like [more so for him since i was and am his first relationship, first kiss, first girlfriend, first everything].

right off the bat we were having a conversation one night and decided that we didn't want to do what everyone else was doing. we wanted to set our own pace for our relationship. mr. b LOVES cars - so the analogy we came up with was a road trip. we were on our way to chicago [i think we chose that city because we're not too far from it, and that is one of the bigger cities by us]. just because the speed limit is 70, we didn't want to necessarily go that speed [for holding hands, kissing, i love you, engagement, marriage....etc.] so we started out slow. and whenever we did the next thing, we had moved up speeds a little bit. once we arrived to 'chicago', that represented our engagement and marriage. [this plays along with his proposal - so stay tuned for that too!!!]

our first kiss was on august 16th, 2009. 7 and 1/2 months after we started dating. this was also adorable. we were up at my cottage and laying out on the dock watching the stars. it was a gorgeous night. mr. b looked at me and told me he wanted to kiss me but was nervous. remember he had never kissed anyone before, so he asked how to do it. my response.. i will never forget.. i told him to 'just go in for the kill!' how romantic, right? haha but so fun. he then laid back down and we continued to talk for a bit. then all of a sudden he sat up, looked into my eyes, leaned in and kissed me. shooting stars, my friends! we both headed back into the cottage with BIG grins on our faces. i crawled into bed next to my mom and woke her up to tell her! oh man, i don't think i slept a peep!

things were going so good - until the break up...

day three. part three.

happy wednesday! hope your week is going well! i am sharing my love story this week. feel free to start from the beginning by reading [part one] and [part two]!

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fall was just around the corner.. we had our big root beer kegger kick off [yes, this did get busted by the cops one year.. they didn't believe us when we told them it was root beer because we had so many people show up. it was awesome!]
we also had some awesome bonfires at mr. b's house. it was so much fun. unfortunately the photos from that specific night have been deleted from facebook.. so i don't have them anymore..
but these fires were huge.
i'm talking like 40-60 foot flames huge.
someone thought his house was on fire one time and called there house to make sure - why they didn't call the fire department? i don't know.. but that's besides the point.
even bigger than this one; which was also at his house.

that night was the night i knew i liked mr. b and it was the same night i went back home and told my roommates and mom that i he was the man i was going to marry. [most everyone thought i was silly... but i was serious!]

i spent the evening laughing, flirting and having so much fun with him. i even spent some of the night inside his house talking with his parents - i adored them! [and still do!!]

before school started mr. b and i were asked to co-lead a community group in one of the freshman dorms.

we got to know each other so much better during this time. i really got to see what an amazing man of the Lord he is and his heart and passion for ministry. it was so wonderful to watch him grow closer to God and lead younger men through the years.
during this season i also grew so much in my walk with the Lord.

mr. b and i continued to hang out and get to know each other. we also started going to church together. it was so wonderful to watch him worship the way he does. i continued to develop strong feelings for him. he still didn't like me. i was still believing he wouldn't ever notice me and i started to dabble in the idea of dating the same guy i dated before our summer project. [remember, the non-believing guy.. johnny] one night johnny asked me to come over to hang out because he missed me and wanted to start dating again and talk. there was a bunch of people over and one of my roommates was there so i decided to go. when i got there i noticed another girl that was being super flirtatious with him. i ignored it and then through a crazy series of events i found out they disappeared together and that johnny was not as interested in me as he was her after all.
i left his house angry, upset, hurt, disappointed, feeling foolish. once i got home i prayed. i prayed before i went over there for the Lord to speak to me about entering back into a relationship with him. well - God gave me an answer and for that i was so thankful. this was the night of october 3.

then.. on october 5, 2008 mr. b woke up in the middle of the night with me on his heart. i'll let him share what the Lord spoke to him... but remember - i didn't know about this until after we had already started dating.

So, as you've been reading, my wonderful wife had liked me for many months if not years before I could have even envisioned myself with her. I always respected her as a humble leader and Godly woman, but just never really "clicked" with her as far as having a lasting relationships with her...Or were there a series of lies and insecurities in my own life that prohibited me from seeing God's best for us both? Either way, as Jenn has mentioned, we were serving alongside each other in [cru.] ministry. One night (October 4) as I entered a certain "core group" meeting (late of course) there was a heavy ambiance amongst the ladies as they were in prayer. As I quietly passed by them (as the girls and guys would meet separately within the same house to discuss different avenues of the ministry), I had realized that there was something heavy on the heart of Jennifer. The meeting carried along, and at one point the men's group leader briefly mentioned the danger in dating unbelievers. It was at this point that I had connected the dots and realized why the meeting was so somber.

The men's leader humbly encouraged us men, when the time was right, to show our ladies what it looked like to pursue them in love, respect, honor and humility so that they would not have to "settle" for something less than Gods best for them. Ladies, if you're reading this and are single, thinking that no God-loving, Christ-honoring, Holy-Spirit-filled man (not "a boy who can shave") will ever pursue you and are tempted to "settle" for a non-believer that brings you flowers and chocolates, (for the record...these are good things :)) please hear my humble exhortation....DON'T DO IT! Be patient on the Lord's timing for you're Boaz to sweep you out of the gleaning fields and love you like Christ loves his church :)

So this night at our [cru.] core group really had me thinking. Previously in 2008 I had watched a dating sermon by a well-known pastor in Seattle, and one thing that resonated with me was a thought the pastor set forth. It was this; what guy/girl has God placed right in front of you that you've been able to see their ministry/leadership skills and perhaps overlooked? Was God preparing my heart to receive from him what had been in front of me the whole time? Could God be preparing my heart to pursue Jennifer as a future companion? Could all the fun times being goofy and flirting really have been building the foundation for our "best friend" relationship? Those thoughts came into my mind...and then I quickly suppressed them and reasoned that Jennifer must be for someone else.

That night, I believe with my whole heart, that God was going to transform my heart to receive from him what he had been preparing all along. About 3am the next morning I woke up. I didn't have to pee, forget to turn off the oven or hear someone break into our extremely worn and neglected college rental house. Jennifer. Jennifer was on my mind and heart and I could no longer ignore God. She was on my heart to pray for. This wasn't the moment that the lights came on and I realized she was going to be my spouse, but I did develop a prayer life for her as she worked through her messy relationship. Little did I know that my prayer life was God pouring "miracle grow" on a seed in my heart that finally would view Jennifer, no longer as a friend, but a girlfriend, best friend and eventually spouse. I'll hand the "mic" back to Jenn :)

awh - isn't he just so sweet, friends? :) i got a keeper for sure!! man i am SO thankful for our story and how the Lord prepared us for what we have now!! :) :) okay.. so back to the story..

over a month later... on november 23, 2008 we were at church and mr. b's mom pulled me aside and said jenn - do you like mr. b? i just smiled and said maybe... and then she replied 'you need to get on that!' and pointed at him. ohhh the memories. i told her 'i'm trying!'
but still.. no luck. [remember... i still didn't know about the Lord waking him up a month previous]

after church a group of us went ice skating at the college's indoor skate rink. once we got done... mr. b, his brother, a friend and me all went what is called.. crawling? [no... it's called urban wheelin', Jenn]
they like to crawl up things with their vehicles with big tires. this is mr. b's brothers truck. crazy huh?!

after we were done with those crazy tricks, we celebrated our [cru.] thanksgiving meal. [i am in the green and white sweatshirt and mr. b's brother is next to me in green.. mr. b is right below him :)]
once the meal was over we decided to watch a movie. i made sure to sit next to mr. b :) i was all up in butterflies. and if anyone knew me... they knew i fell asleep during every movie. it didn't matter what movie. i just always fall asleep. good thing i trained myself and i don't do it anymore :)
so.. of course, i fell asleep and i actually fell asleep on mr. b's shoulder! i didn't know that.. but he told me later. he also told me he liked it ;).

once we were done with the movie [it was like only 7 or 8pm at this point] i was hanging out with some girls and one of them mentioned she overheard mr. b talking to his roommate [her boyfriend and now husband] that he was developing feelings for me and was thinking about asking me on a date.

friends... i was beyond cloud nine at this point. i couldn't believe it! the guy i liked for almost 2 years that i didn't think i would ever have a chance with... liked me?!

but of course. i needed to keep my cool so they didn't know i knew and part of me wanted to make sure i didn't get my hopes up in case he changed his mind.

that night mr. b sent me a private message on good ol' facebook to comfort me because i had injured my neck and back at their house [trying to show off, of course]. from there.. the messages got longer and longer, and more frequent. i still have every single one of them. i love to still read through them all :)

almost another month later went by... we were still messaging each other and hanging out, but still no date.
i was starting to think it wouldn't happen.

and then one snowy evening we were hanging out and mr. b asked if we could go for a drive and talk...

day two. part two.

if you're just tuning in.. welcome :) i'm sharing our love story this week as we lead up to our first wedding anniversary! to catch yourself up - you can start [here] -
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now for part two.

so we met.

from then on i always had a secret crush on him. it was on and off because so often i would think how wonderful it would be to date him, but how it would probably never happen. i tried to minimize my feelings for him but they always somehow found their way back to the surface.

[mr. b is on the far left and i'm on the far right for both of these photos. i was also obsessed with the peace sign and duck lips]

we saw each other every week for the group meeting and had lots of fun adventures together.

each week we had an 'after the meeting hangout' and it was always loads of fun. i always tried to sit by him and talk with him to get to know him better.

i sound like a creeper don't i?

after the school year was over i moved back to my home town.

we still kept in touch over facebook and couldn't wait for fall to start to get back on campus and see each other again.

some of the things mr. b said to me made me think at times maybe he liked me.. but i learned very quickly he was a very big flirt! [no worries, we talked about this before we had started dating and i told him he was super flirtatious. he no longer is - except with me :)].

the following fall, we got back on campus and continued to run into each other every so often and make small talk. i still continued to have on again-off again feelings for him.

at one point i seriously thought nothing would ever come about so i started 'dating' other guys. some of my choices back in the day were less than the standard. i realized very quickly that i needed to raise my expectations when it came to guys and not settle for non-believers. [this also has part to do with the lies i was fed in my high school relationships. i didn't think i was worthy of a good quality man.]

that school year went by quickly. summer came and i decided to go on a 10 week summer project with [cru.]. there was quite a group of us from our university going, one of them happened to be mr. b.

at this time i was still dating this non-believer we'll call... johnny. he was nice to me while we were dating and he was even sometimes romantic. i didn't know if i wanted to be dating someone while i was away for 10 weeks. part of me wanted to go down there open to whatever the Lord had in store and how he wanted to grow me. but the other part of me didn't want to stop dating johnny. so we decided to stay together while i was in va beach [where the summer project was].

on our ride to va beach, i confessed to mr. b how i used [i think this was a time when my feelings were buried and i didn't think i still liked him] to like him throughout our first year and a half of college. and after all - it was safe to tell him because i was in a relationship with johnny and didn't care what mr. b thought [or so i thought...]

as most guys are.. mr. b was shocked.

he claimed to have no idea.

then he continued to go on and apologize because he didn't see me that way and we were just really good friends.

talk about heart crusher! good thing i didn't still have feelings for him, right? ;)

our summer was amazing. after being there for one week i realized how foolish it was of me to date a non-believer while being a Christian and trying to grow in my faith. i called up johnny and told him that it wasn't going to work between us and i humbly asked him to not wait or expect things to change when i got back.

i remember feeling so free and blessed by this as i was obedient to God's calling of saving myself for a Christian man to pursue me like Christ pursues his bride.

by the end of the summer mr. b even spilled his heart to me about another girl he thought he was developing feelings for - i encouraged it too! wow.. what was i thinking?

i was starting to spend time with another guy - this time a Christian. he was and still is super nice and Godly, he just was not the one for me. he's happily married now too - which is wonderful!

summer was over and we packed our cars up and made the 15 hour drive back to campus for the summer.

[these are all photos from va beach. it's so fun to see how we've changed and grown both physically and spiritually]

the following fall is where the fire started to kindle...

day one. part one.

this is my first series! i'm super excited to share it with you too! i have decided to share our love story with you! i thought this would be a great opportunity for some of you to get to know me better and mr. b :). shoot i might even let him chime in once in a while ;)

this is 'wedding week' for us! well.. except it happened this time last year! we are in the final week leading up to our one year anniversary! so crazy how fast this first year went by! though i think everyone says that..

so where do we start.. from the beginning of course ;)

part one.

mr. b and i met in college. we met the spring semester of our freshman year. february 2, 2007 to be exact.

i remember that night like it was yesterday. i had JUST been introduced to a college ministry called [cru.] formally known as campus crusade for christ. i was attending the weekly community group with some wonderful ladies in my dorm, but i was too nervous to go to the weekly gathering to meet the rest. the Lord placed this ministry into my lap and it was amazing. i share some of that experience [here].

there was a super bowl party that a bunch of people were going to attend and i was also invited. i was scared, but went anyways. we got there and everyone was hanging out watching the game, but more so all the commercials that are way over priced. why would you want to pay 2 million dollars for a 30 second commercial? although... the [m&m commerical] this year was pretty funny.. anyways. back to our love story..

so here we are, hanging out and i see this guy with a mop on his head doing crazy stuff over in the corner. i thought to myself, man - he's one attractive fella! but instantly thought, he would probably never see anything in me.. i'm not good enough. i also started to get more shy the older i got.. i used to be loud and super outgoing [who am i kidding.. i still am...] but only around people i know really well. so i minded my own business for the night. goofing off, rolling around on the ground having innocent fun.

 these are some of the photos from that night. pardon my craziness.. i was weird and probably still am.

i unfortunately don't have any photos of mr. b from the night we first met. those are only memories in our minds.

once i returned home from the party i shared with some friends that i needed to meet him. i even went home one weekend and talked about this really cute boy i saw...

a couple weeks later we were introduced...

month of september.

oh me oh my! i am SO excited for september.

not only is it one of my favorite months because fall is starting to kick in. the leaves are starting to change [and we have some beautiful trees here with gorgeous colors in the fall!!], warm apple cider starts coming out, i get to bring out the fall clothes, cooler temps [i love comfy sweatshirt weather].

here are the wonderful things i'm looking forward to this month.

- labor day vacation [i took yesterday off too, so i'm loving my 4 day weekend!]

- amazing awesome changes coming to the blog that i am SO excited about!

- a mini surprise vacation to celebrate our one year anniversary!

- our one year anniversary [that is photo of our entire party. what a wonderful day it was!]

- a week recap of our love story leading up to our one year on the blog!!

- celebrate mr. b's cousin's marriage to one of mr. b's college friend/roommate at their reception

- going on a road trip with these two friends and baby t to visit another wonderful friend and go to the country living fair

- some guest posts for some wonderful blog friends

- taking engagement photos for one of my besties [but not the official ones.. i'm not that good :)]

- going to a bridal show with miss riss and help with more wedding plans for her!

- taking one year photos of mr. b and me!!!

- another bestie is coming to stay the night with me and we're going to have a girls night!! woohoo! [sorry..gotta kick mr. b out ;)]

busy month huh? but it's going to be so fun!!! a lot of this falls on weekends.. so we will be so busy on the weekends, some of it falls during the week. we have a huge fair in the town i work in that is thrown into all this as well, which will make things even more crazy busy. but i'm so excited! can't wait to share all our fun adventures with you all too.

stay tuned for a fun-filled month!

[cru.] and interior design.

i apologize for no MENU monday. recipe yesterday. i've been so busy with life that i forgot to take photos of some new recipes i've recently made.. guess i'll have to make them again ;)

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[this is a long post.. i apologzie]

[cru.] is a campus ministry that i was highly involved in during college. it's also where i met mr. b!

there is so many wonderful things about that ministry. it was amazing to be able to find a community of people who have the same heart and passion for Jesus.

this ministry seriously changed me and who i am today. i was praying and searching for a Christian ministry to find and get involved with since i was a baby believer when i arrived on the big ol' college campus of 20,000 individuals.

before i moved into my dorm room i met a girl online that i knew was going to be living on the same floor as me. over the summer we built a friendship that led into a deeper friendship when we moved onto campus.

i still remember those days of living on the first floor of stinson. [this freshman dorm was my only option as i opted out of the college meal plans and avoided the freshman fifteen.] sometimes i wish i could go back to those good ol' days of walking 30 minutes to class - except in the winter, that was horrible - the campus was beautiful in the fall. i made the hike to my interior design building each day and seriously loved my classes [for the most part]. in the evenings, i would walk back and hang out with lots of other freshman students. most of them probably don't remember their first year of college as much as i do...

i was teased hard core my freshman year because i was one of the very few that didn't drink or party. i did too much in high school - and when i met Jesus, that was one of the first things i threw out of my lifestyle. there were times when excessive drinking stepped back in.. but nothing like high school. [this was the other way i also kept off the freshman 15..]

i didn't mind being teased. i knew i was different and it was an opportunity to share why i didn't party like the rest of the college campus. eventually those friendships fizzled and it was too hard not having 'equally yoked' community.

so i started praying for community.

this is when the Lord brought [cru.] into my life.

it was no coincidence either, i was in the lobby of my dorm surfing the internet and i overheard a group of girls talking about Jesus and purity. [two things i am still oh so passionate about].

it instantly caught my attention so i walked over and introduced myself.

from there on it was such an amazing season of growth for me and my walk with Jesus.

i wouldn't trade it for anything.

while studying interior design and being so highly involved with this ministry, i didn't have a whole lot of extra time. i was finding myself pulling all nighters to get my studio projects finished and putting together a bible study for the next day. i was slowly losing interest and stretched way too thin.

the director of my program pulled me aside one day and mentioned that he could see i was starting to slip.

it was that day i was hurt by the director of that program when he told me my junior year that i would need to choose.. either my faith and involvement with the [cru.] movement or my career. and it would be impossible for me to be accepted into the program doing both. [man.. sometimes i wish i would have proved him wrong.. but again, at this time my entire heart wasn't in it]

this was a no brainer for me. it still isn't, even though i really miss interior design classes.

i still have my drafting table and supplies and like to sketch stuff up just for fun. i even saved all my books too.

my faith is much more important to me. being obedient to Christ is much more important to me.

i am so thankful the Lord opened my eyes to the idea of women's ministry. i ended up transferring schools and earning my degree in biblical/theology studies. i know there are so many women out there who i would love to sit down with over a cup of coffee and hear their story and what the Lord is teaching them. i have such a strong passion for this. i am so eager to do this someday and walk along side of women of various ages.

but this calling doesn't remove my longing for interior design. the Lord spoke to me and said 'ministry is your priority, interior design is your hobby.' and i still believe that is true. but i really miss it.. just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes because i loved it and i was so close to a degree and didn't finish. sometimes i've thought about going back.. but i don't want or need more debt.

i am very right brained. my job is.. like.. as left brained as you can get. so i feel trapped. i don't like feeling trapped. i think that's why i'm longing to do something creative. i work 9-10 hour days and sit behind a desk the. entire. time. then i get home and i'm so mentally exhausted that i don't even feel like going down to my craft room to make something. this hurts my heart.

but the Lord is at work in me. i know he is.. and for that reason i still have hope knowing one day, i will enter into women's ministry. and i know i will have the opportunity to use those right brained gifts and talents i've been blessed with. even if that means i never earn my degree in design or take the ncidq.

God has just recently opened up some doors for me and i am SO excited to share them with you.. but i have to wait just a llllliiiiitttllleee longer before sharing and celebrating!

ps.. if you just finished reading this entire post.. you are amazing and i SO appreciate your reading :)