i am terribly pathetic.. it's horrible. i just have absolutely NO motivation to workout or exercise.. i don't. and then i complain about how i look.. which STILL doesn't motivate me to exercise. it's a vicious circle for me i tell ya..
the hard part is the fact that i have always had body image issues. since i was like.. pre-teen. even back then i didn't like how i looked and my doctor at the time said some very mean and hurtful things that will never leave my head. sometimes it's just easier for me to say 'this is something i will probably always struggle with' but at the same time it's very hard for me to grasp that.
i am by no means overweight. and most of you would probably look at me and laugh thinking i'm crazy that i'm even talking about this right now.. but it's me.. and it's a real issue for me. mr. b does such a good job encouraging me and telling me how beautiful i look and how much he loves me. but sometimes it's so hard for me to look past what i think about myself. i used to work out a lot.. like a lot.. and i wasn't seeing any changes - i'm not looking to lose weight. i don't need to lose weight. what i want to do is tone what i have.
'for you formed my inward part; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. i praise you because i am fearfully and wonderfully made. wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. my frame was not hidden from you, when i was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.' psalm 139:13-15.
'when God created man, he made him in the likeness of God. male and female he created them, and he blessed them and named them man.' genesis 5:1-2.
and i know God created me just the way he planned. i know he created me in his likeness. i know he sees me as beautiful and precious in his sight. these things i know.
the more difficult part is truly believing them. i want to believe it. i think i really do believe it, i just need to absorb it and see through his eyes instead of through the eyes of this world telling me otherwise.
so i'm going after this exercising/workout thing again. while at work.. i want to be doing something and i saw a website that i started this week. it's called [fitbolt] it's a little exercise/stretch clock reminder. every 30 minutes it gives me a new exercise to do or a stretch. so far it's been good. it's been good to get my heart rate up [yes.. that's how terriblely out of shape i am]. they are 60 second workouts, i usually try to do them a little longer.
these are baby steps.. and simple things i can do at work while being stuck behind a desk for 40+ hours every week. next step is getting back into it after i'm out of work.
on another note.. today is 7-11! do you have a 7eleven around you? free slurps today! woohoo!! except the nearest one to me is 40 minutes either way.. bummer.
since today is 7-11/wednesday/hump day/free slurp day.. you know what tomorrow is?? 7-12/thursday/friday eve/meet and tweet! get ready for tomorrow!! it's gonna be fun fun fun!!