Monday, January 28, 2013

a season of struggle.

hello friends,

i know it's been quite some time since i've posted. and quite honestly, i've started a lot of posts - but haven't finished any. posting has been a struggle for me lately. i have been feeling the lies that i don't have anything influential to say. that i have no impact on this community because we don't have kids. that the lord can't use me because i'm stuck at a job that i really don't want to be doing. feeling that i have no ministry and that i am not being used by god to further his kingdom. i know these are lies, but they hurt. if i'm completely honest.. this is one of the most difficult seasons of life i've been in.

right now i'm in a season of struggle. i haven't finished and published some posts and i am fearful of even publishing this one. i don't want you to think that i'm looking for sympathy or being a complete debby downer. and i have a really difficult time balancing what it looks like to be vulnerable and knowing what things need to be kept private.

but the truth is, my heart is heavy.

and i think to myself, if i could just have xy or z then things would be a lot better.

the thing is.. what i need is not xy or z - but the gospel. 
i need jesus more than i need anything else right now.

so for now i am in a time of solitude.
to absorb all that jesus has to offer. 
his love, grace, forgiveness and faithfulness.


  1. Girl. I hear you. And I will say this: I am + have been there. It's a weird (and slightly annoying) place to be. Yet, so much good can come from this place.
    I wrote this post a while back, but it says more than I think I could write in a comment:

  2. I can relate. But know that you're such an encouragement!

  3. Keep at it. My dashboard is full with finished and unfinished posts I am afraid to share. This is a good reminder to keep my identity wrapped up in Jesus, not in my blog.

  4. We all get those lies at times. I have always enjoyed reading your blog, so don't worry about that! There are so many different bloggers out there, that you can't expect to relate to everyone. I hope you are able to pull yourself out of the slump and embrace what God wants to show you during this struggle!

  5. Thank you for your realness and vulnerability in this post!
    I know being attacked with lies can cloud our mind and steal our joy! You are such am inspiration and have so much to offer the body of Christ (even if you don't have kids for 5 yrs or stay at that job for 20). I will be praying for you friend!


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